literature

A Grey Knight's Fall

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Literature Text

I let the world
crack and fall and spin away
out from under my feet
and I'm floating in space
with my grey fur kissed by the silent sun

I am letting go
the battle I was fighting
I've surrendered
or merely finished my turn
(it doesn't matter)

realisations
and thoughts that are swarming my head
I've been defeated
by what I have always
been too blind to see

a realisation, again
approximation
of my own lack of
useful purpose
I can kick off and float out to space
you won't find me here
(or even look)

I press my shaggy head
into your shoulder
into your waiting hands
that cradle me close
though a wolf has no tears
for sadness
you understand this,
(I hope)

I'm letting go
and the things that I once
thought to be worth fighting for
are dissolving all around me
I can see now that they were illusions
but it doesn't matter now

you say it's your turn now
and that I can get some rest
I am so weary
fighting has taken away
every last inch of me
and I'm ready to fall
without regard to where

there's a cruel twist, somewhere in there
but I should have known
it would come knocking for me
this isn't the first
and my heart is too torn
for this to succeed
though you've dangled it on a string
in front of me

and it's funny
that what, I would say, is the center
of my being
you can not, do not, will not
understand
(and maybe you aren't worth it)

but the battle's over
for me, if not for good
this wolf bows to this lion
and lets him take over
I am too weary
with my fur in mats
and streaked with blood
my paws are worn
and I'm seeing double
and my heart's in shreds
but I'm feeling nothing
I am done
I'm done

I'm done.
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