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deviation in storage by sleepysheepdog


my best friend
in middle school;
long gone now, left
cryptic little messages
in my notebooks
and I still don't understand.
perhaps that was, after all, the point.

we used to play a coding game
with secret little messages
and I would dedicatedly
decode them over days
but these secrets are
no code I know
and years later,
I still
have no idea what they say.

that dick.
am I a storm
something you're afraid to touch
a flame to burn your hands
to steal your breath
and devour you whole
am I fickle as the ocean
a wavering whispering back and forth
a tempest to blow you down
or cradle you gently, close in my heart
as wild and sweet as a storm
are you frightened yet
of my self-destructing nature
scared to be caught in the blast
though I'd throw you far away
destroy myself rather than see you hurt
I will keep my raging winds contained
trust in this truth
when I ask you to come near
are you afraid I will
destroy you too?
I'd rather not exist
I'll keep my lightning deep within
please stay
please step a little closer,
it's okay
my world is so confused right now
I'm crying
fold me gently in your wings
and replace all of the pain
with healing

I'm balanced
so precariously
please help me
I'm so afraid I'll fall
into the dark
into the warmth
the sunlight grasping at me
with forceful, fiery hands
and leaving me unsteady
please balance me
I'm so afraid I'll fall
or never fly

my world is so unhinged right now
I'm crying
please fold me gently in your wings
replace all of my pain
with healing
and fly me to the stars
on your wings

I'm so lost, where are you
a paw on your chest
please continue
trying to forge
this tenuous connection
once again
trying to weave
this spell
that comes, often unbidden
and forms for me
a rope, a lifeline in the spray
so I won't drift away
or sink below the waves
down to the dark again

a paw, against your chest
please continue
please don't go
I can't write like I used to;
the words flowing from my fingers
sleek and silver
as the fur of the beast that lives within me
my tongue is caged
in sharp wolf-teeth
that bite down, choking the ink lifeblood
before it rises
like a tide to crash down, and down
to tear away my world like it once did
my mind is filled with longing eyes,
with dark and light, sun
and shadow
I cannot write
like I once did,
before dear lungs swelled
ripe with poison, before
hands damp with sweat,
before my words tore castles down;
when they could.
I can not write like then
I am stripped of my feathers,
strangling and binding and burying the words
when they do come
hiding them from
imagined disapproval
projected pain
hiding the caverns of my soul
concealing my own aorta
in a lie, in hidden words
from watching eyes
and gentle hands
that would draw them, even from my dying chest,
like a thread through my lips,
like a last breath
the words I can no longer write
the words I hide
from worlds fabricated in my head
from disapproving eyes;
the dark and the light
the endless arcs of sky
the glades kept hidden in my secret heart
the words and worlds
I cannot reach
and will not write


United States
I am a fool for love songs;

I love getting mail(especially from people I love).

(& I'm not who you think I am).

I am here to be a better person.

for those who don't recognise it, my icon is a picture of Orion
My, it has been a long time. Oh, the stories I could tell you, my friends. Life has been borderline insane of late.
Long ago, I met someone wonderful; and we came together. We are still together, and for nearly two years, now; I hope this remains so. There are questions in it, now.
Regardless, I believe we will revolve around each other for quite some time. This one, my much-loved, had cancer, like poison in his lungs. But we made it through this. Even I, despite who and how I am, did pray for him. He is healthy again. We were very lucky.  We still are; there have been further scares with his health. And now, with mine. There is fear in my heart. The bone of my skull is deeply infected, at this point. I have been a sickly wreck for months. It may be the death of me, in the long run. I am afraid.
Should I not, however, there is hope. I wish to go somewhere better, and I; we; are pursuing it. Things may yet get better. I may struggle out of the waves at last, though they try their best to drag me under.
Wish me luck.

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Add a Comment:
anapests-and-ink Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much for the watch and all the favs!
LadyBitterblue Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You write wonderfully. I hope you're doing well and have a beautiful day. :heart:
LadyLincoln Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for your :+devwatch: I appreciate the support!

With love,
imaginative-lioness Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank-you so much for taking the time to add 'Soldier' to your favourites, it truly means a lot! Hope you have a wonderful day. :heart:

:huggle: :love:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:iconthxfavplz: It's warmly appreciated! :happybounce::thanks:
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